I was already far away from the house. Only by thinking that I couldn’t be with him anymore if I told him the truth made my mind just go blank… I just left the house like that…
Since when did I become such a coward? Before, I was able to express my feelings much better and wouldn’t do something like run away from anything.
Leave it to love to turn everything upside-down…
I kept walking until I reached a park. Everything that happened seems to have tired me down, so I looked for a place where I could stay down a bit until I found an empty bench.
It was really quiet around… Night was already falling and there weren’t many people around. Though, from place to place, I could still see couples walking around, kissing and holding hands and kissing in the romantic atmosphere given by the evening…
Great… just what I needed right now, to see lovey-dovey scenes…
After a while, there weren’t people around anymore. I guess that they already all went back to their homes.
Strange… Even though that place was supposed to be my ‘working place’ for a short time, I already began to consider it a ‘home’… it was the place I wanted to return to…
I wanted to go back there… but at the same time, I was afraid that if I go there and see Michael now, he’d ask for explanations and I’d just blurt everything out. For the first time, I was afraid of those blue eyes that became my personal drug, my ‘truth serum’.
“Lydia!!!”
The voice that was calling out from me released me from the trance I was in right now and I turned around. The feeling I had when I saw the only person I could talk freely with was something like a door opening at the end of the tunnel.
“Beea…”
I said that, but my voice sounded as if it was broken. The moment I saw her, I just burst into tears as he took my head to her chest and hugged me.
“Beea, I… I…”
‘I’m a total idiot’ is what I wanted to say, but I wasn’t able to speak properly because I was crying. Seeing Beea made all these feelings burst out.
Somehow, she became I person I could trust. Still being in her maid suit, and clearly worn out from running, she went looking around for me… and after she finally found me, she didn’t ask anything… she just stayed by my side until I calmed down.
“Feeling any better now?”
“Beea… I couldn’t… I wasn’t able to…”
Seeing that I wasn’t going to finish what I began to say, she tried to figure out herself what the answer was.
“Did you have a fight with Michael?”
“Eh? Fight?”
I became confused that moment. It wasn’t actually a fight. In fact, it wasn’t one at all.
“No… we didn’t fight… it’s just me who is just… I… couldn’t tell him… I was afraid that if I do, everything would be…”
Beea saw that I was barely connecting sentences, but she seemed to have realized what was going on.
“Lydia… you don’t need to rush yourself if you feel that you’re not ready… When the moment you want to tell him your true feelings will come, do it without feeling like you’re being forced to… Michael will understand.”
“Beea…”
What she said was true. Sooner or later, I’ll have to tell him… I just had to find the right time, for when my heart would be able to hear both of his answers.
Beea’s words gave me a little more courage. Beea smiled when she saw that I was already feeling better.
“You know, when you left the house, he couldn’t stay still not even for a moment. He was walking around and acting like an impatient little kid right there. It was so cute to see him so worked up.”
I looked at her to see that she was giggling.
That kind of surprised me… Michael was actually worried about me…
When she saw that I became really curious, she continued talking to me, and I was also like a kid carefully listening to a story.
“He almost ran out looking for you when he saw that it was evening and you weren’t home yet, but I stopped him and said that I’d go… I pretty much already figured that something like this was going on, so I thought that I should find you first. It wasn’t that easy to convince him though…”
For a moment there, I wasn’t able to say anything… but… I was somewhat happy…
“Should we go back now? I bet he already made a big hole in the floor…”
Seeing her trying to cheer me up like that made me feel like she was kind of like my guardian angel.
“Yeah… let’s go.”
When I arrived at the house, my chest was already feeling really tight. The questions from ‘the person in cause’… I still didn’t know what to say if he asked me…
But instead of that, I was welcomed by something that I really didn’t expect.
When I entered the house, the first thing I saw was Michael, that even though he was sitting on the couch, he looked stressed and like he was restraining himself there.
The moment he saw me, he got up the couch really fast and walked like a storm towards me.
Before I even realized what was going on, he was already holding me tightly in his arms. His heartbeat was really fast and I could feel his breathing in my ear. Thank God he couldn’t see my face there, because I’m sure I was boiling red.
“I was worried, you know…”
One thing is to only think that he was worried, and another is to actually hear him saying it himself. He still held me for a few more seconds, but it was enough for him to notice that my heart was racing.
When he finally let go of me, I still kept my head down for a bit.
“I’m sorry…”
After that, I heard him sigh. Well, come to think of it, every normal person would get tired with me doing stupid things like these…
Seriously, I was really acting like a kid… I was really living up to my baby-face…
“It’s ok… just… don’t do it again.”
I raised my head to see him smile, I missed that smile… I only saw it earlier today, but it still seemed like it was such a long time…
“Lydia… you should go and rest for now. Tomorrow we have a lot of work to do. There’s a pile of documents and records just waiting for us on the library desk.”
There was still more?
“Seriously, I think you’re even better than me at this…”
He chuckled a bit when he saw my grumpy face.
“What? It’s true!...”
“But I couldn’t have gotten here without your help. You’re a really good teacher.”
“Then maybe I should ask for a raise since my teaching skills are so awesome…” I said in an ironic mumble.
“Do you want a reward then?”
Reward? What kind of reward could he have given me?
Looking at him, he looked really confident about something… His gaze already caught me in its net
A kiss… for some reason, that was the first thing to come into my mind…
I was already seeing him giving me a passionate kiss… taking control while I was holding onto him…
WAIT! What am I imagining again??
But still… the sensation felt so real…
Looking at him, his smug, carefree smile was back in its rightful place. That was the moment when I realized that I was really red.
“No thanks, your rewards still sound suspicious to me.”
“As you wish.” he said as he turned around. “Then, I’ll also go and take some rest. Don’t run off again, ok?”
“Geez, I won’t…”
He smirked as he left the room.
Seems like his good mood was also back…
But… I couldn’t help not to notice… he was really careful with the things he was telling me… even though he was worried, he didn’t ask for anything about tat ‘certain’ matter. Beea was right about him…
He understood me. Despite his teasing character, Michael knew that I couldn’t comfortably talk about that and didn’t ask anymore… He was really thoughtful about me…Even as the day kept passing, Michael was still acting his usual self. Not even once did he ask me or touch that subject again, even though a normal human being would have at least tried to find out once.
Well, it wouldn’t surprise me if someone told me now that he’s actually an alien…
But still… his silence also made me confused again… maybe he wasn’t interested in it after all…
It was already the 5th day now. For some reason, I couldn’t sleep very well that night as well. I dreamed again of that person…a person who was chasing me, and in the dark, I could only see his deep-blue eyes slowly changing their color into a bloody-red one…
Even though I should have already gotten used to it, the moment I woke up my breathing was heavy and my heart was beating like mad. It really made me wonder how it managed to keep up with it until now.
I took a shower and got dressed and went to have some breakfast before going to the library for the morning ‘instruction’ session with Michael that it was still, in my opinion, quite unnecessary. It was more like he was the one doing the teaching…
When I arrived at the kitchen, I saw Beea doing breakfast there.
“Mornin’ Beea. Can I help some too?”
“Oh, Lydia, good morning! Well, breakfast’s already done, so you can just go ahead and eat.” She said that with a bright smile that made me successfully forget about last night’s dream. But…
“Uhmm… Beea... Where’s Michael?”
“He’s probably waiting upstairs. You can also go after you have breakfast.”
But what about his breakfast…? It looks like Beea also made only one, for me…
Well, he probably ate before me… so might as well eat something too.
Even so, it still made me feel lonely…
When I went upstairs, in the library, I saw Michael reading again. All the papers were ready as well.
But… there was something off with him… He looked as if he was really tired and his face clearly showed that he was troubled about something.
But still, he noticed me right from the moment I came in.
“Good morning Michael…”
“Good morning…”
It was pretty weird hearing that lifeless answer from him…
“Michael, is everything ok? You seem ill…”
He soon realized that I was worried about him, and tried to hide it with a smile.
“It’s ok… I’m just a little tired… “
“… Should we call today off so you could get some rest?”
“Lydia, I told you, I’m fine. Don’t worry unnecessarily, ok?... I’ll go and wash my face a bit… I’ll be right back…”
“Ok…”
Somehow, I just got the feeling that he was trying to hide it because I was such a worrywart…
Even though he was a person with great influence on other people, he still cared about the feelings of those that were around him…
I decided. Today, I’ll tell him about these feelings I keep inside. Even if he rejects me, I don’t want to be a coward and run away anymore… he doesn’t deserve this either.
My feelings for him were also too great to be kept in any longer…
Author: Lacramioara Cobzaru
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